Quieting the Negative Voice : Mastering your Inner Critic

How many times have you committed to getting in shape, improving your sleep, eating healthier foods, or working on yourself, only to hear a voice telling you that you’re not good enough, you’ll never stick to it, everyone else can do it, but not you. You don’t deserve to feel better.

That voice - the one that constantly nags and criticises - is your Inner Critic.

Have you read all the self-help books, diet books, and followed inspirational people on social media, yet still struggle to make the changes you want?

It’s likely that your Inner Critic is holding you back.

What is Your Inner Critic?

Your Inner Critic is that inner voice that judges, criticises, and demeans you, often without justification. It’s big and powerful, piling on shame and a constant drip of unkind words.

It tries to keep you safe by pointing out where you could have done better, but it can be cruel and deeply damaging— just like a relentless bully.

This voice constantly asks, “How dare you?”, “Who do you think you are?”, “You are the worst.”

It never speaks positively, only negatively, and can spoil anything we achieve, impacting our overall mental wellbeing.

By constantly listening and believing this negative self-talk, means what it says often turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The Inner Critic is a universal phenomenon. Everyone has one, although its intensity and the impact it has on each individual can vary widely.

This voice can make us feel small, inadequate, and undeserving of happiness or success. It can paralyse us with fear and self-doubt, preventing us from pursuing our dreams and living our best lives.

The Effect of the Inner Critic

Listening to your Inner Critic reduces your self-worth and deters you from facing your fears. It can be the reason why, despite your best efforts, you find yourself stuck in the same patterns and unable to move forward.

The Inner Critic thrives on your insecurities and fears, feeding them with negative and often irrational thoughts.

As a nutrition and health coach, I meet people who desperately want to change how they feel, support an illness, limit symptoms, and feel more confident and happier. However, until they learn to manage their Inner Critic, it’s unlikely they will be able to make long-term, sustainable changes.

The Inner Critic can sabotage even the most well-intentioned plans, making it crucial to address and manage it effectively.

My Own Story

A few years ago, whilst working with a life coach, she raised the subject of the Inner Critic, after listening to me relaying my self-talk.

The coach suggested I name it. She felt it would help create a distance between my Inner Voice and me (Lisa).

After much consideration, as I wanted a name of someone that brought up similar feelings to my negative self-talk - I named my Inner Critic Michaela. (no offence to anyone called Michaela - strangely my parents considered calling me Michaela but decided on Lisa).

She was a school peer who often intimidated me in early primary school.

My mum had bought me a brand new pencil case full of lots of colourful stationery. You can imagine as a young girl, the excitement of choosing and buying these and the pride I felt going to school to use them.

Michaela stole the case. She hid it well. I was distraught and told the teacher. I then witnessed the teacher making the briefest of enquiry as to where it was, being lied to by this girl and me being told that I must have misplaced it, I was wrong, it's disappearance must have been my fault.

I remember sitting at the school table feeling humiliated, silly, stupid, scared and powerless. Questioning myself. Had I misplaced it, it must have been my fault it had gone. I felt inferior to this girl - I mean, she was so clever to have taken something and not only got away with it, but made me look silly and useless in the process.

By naming and externalising my Inner Critic, I was able to start addressing it as a separate entity rather than an intrinsic part of myself.

This was a turning point in me moving towards self-compassion. It allowed me to see that the harsh words and criticism were not truths about me but manifestations of my fears and insecurities.

Things I’ve Learned About My Inner Critic

Since naming my Inner Critic and being more aware of her, I’ve learned a lot:

• Exaggerated and Biased: Michaela is always exaggerated, disproportionate, and biased. She amplifies my mistakes and downplays my successes.

• A Persistent Presence: Michaela has been in my life for many years and I, unsurprisingly, created a habit of listening to her. I don’t judge myself for failing to spot her talking to me; instead, I acknowledge her presence and work on responding differently.

• Predictability: Michaela is extremely predictable, always saying the same negative, unhelpful, and useless things. She never offers words of encouragement, compassion, warmth, or empathy.

• Connection to Hurt: My Inner Critic is connected to my hurt inner child, who lashes out to mask her own pain. (More on this later....)

• Creating Distance: Naming her has created distance between “her” and my real voice, though she will always be there.

Understanding these aspects of my Inner Critic has helped me develop strategies to manage her influence and reduce her impact on my life.

This process of awareness and self-compassion is ongoing, but each step forward brings more peace and confidence.

Should You Show Your Inner Critic Compassion?

If your Inner Critic is your hurt Inner Child shouting to “protect” you, would you treat it harshly in return? Probably not. Maybe this Inner Critic needs compassion, love, and understanding to quiet down. Treating your Inner Critic with compassion can be a transformative approach. By acknowledging its presence and understanding its origins, you can begin to heal the wounds that give it power.

Instead of battling your Inner Critic, try to understand its motives. Often, it’s trying to protect you from perceived threats or failures. By addressing these underlying fears and insecurities with compassion, you can reduce the Inner Critic’s power and influence over your life.

Managing Your Inner Critic

Here are some strategies to manage your Inner Critic:

1. Acknowledge Its Presence: Recognise that your Inner Critic has been in your life for years. So when you notice it's voice (and perhaps listen to her) don’t judge yourself harshly for having it or listening to it.

2. Challenge It: Never allow your Inner Critic to go unchallenged. Talk back to it with positive, hopeful words. For example, "Thanks for your opinion, but that's enough now", "That's an interesting perspective. It's not my perspective though". Don't get into an argument. Just acknowledge and move on.

3. Replace Its Words: Replace the negative self-talk with helpful, hopeful narratives.

4. Distance Yourself: Remember your Inner Critic is outdated and repetitive. Replace her words with words which are more hopeful, positive and encouraging.

5. Be Prepared: Be ready with positive self-talk to counteract the harshness.

6. Distract Yourself: If something goes wrong, don't allow our Inner Critic to remunerate over it, constantly allowing it to tell you how silly, bad, wrong you were. Find something to do to distract you, like going for a walk, talking to a friend, reading - just stop the spiral of negative talking from your Inner Critic creeping in.

7. Treat Yourself Kindly: Treat yourself with the same compassion you would show a friend. You would never speak to a friend in the way your Inner Critic speaks to you. If things go wrong use words like "OK so you made a mistake, but its not the end of the world". "This moment will pass and I'm here for you".

8. Evaluate Evidence: Assess the evidence supporting your Inner Critic’s words rationally. One idea is to grab a piece of paper, drawer a line down the centre. On the left, write down all the evidence to back up the things your Inner Critic is saying and on the right, all those that shows it is being unrealistic. I can promise you the left hand side of your paper will be scarce.

9. Talk Back with Truth: Counter the predictable lies with creative, truthful responses.

10. Influence Your Thoughts: All your thoughts influence how you FEEL. So reframe your critical inner critical thoughts with thoughts of compassion and validation.

11. Avoid Comparisons: Never compare yourself to others. It is thought that Theodore Roosevelt uttered the words "comparison is the thief of joy". All that comparison does is discredits and rejects your own uniqueness, strengths, efforts and your wins. Also, when comparing yourself to others, you can only ever compare your "Inside" to someone else's "outside" as we only get to see what others want us to see - that's hardly a level playing field now is it.

12. Celebrate Wins: Celebrate all your wins, however small, to build resilience against negativity.

13. Gratitude: Each day, write down one thing you are grateful for about yourself.

Each of these strategies can help you build resilience against your Inner Critic’s negativity.

By consistently applying these techniques, you can reduce its power and influence over your thoughts and actions.

Moving Forward with Confidence

You are not the worst. Your value doesn’t come from being perfect but from just being you.

Your Inner Critic tries to derail your efforts for happiness.

Try these strategies to quiet its voice and take steps toward feeling more self-assured, confident, and happier.

Remember, the journey to managing your Inner Critic and improving your self-worth is ongoing. It requires patience, persistence, and compassion. But with each step forward, you’ll find yourself feeling more empowered and in control of your life.

I currently run a 16-week one-to-one coaching program to help people overcome health and weight challenges, break through mental barriers, and gain momentum towards a healthier and happier life.

This programme includes discussing and addressing the Inner Critic with work and exercises on how to challenge and quieten it down.

By understanding and managing your Inner Critic, you can unlock your potential and live a happier, healthier life. Embrace the journey, and remember that you are deserving of compassion and success.

Join my mailing list and receive a 35 minute complimentary discovery call. Together we will explore how I can support you in overcoming your inner critic and enhancing your self-belief. Additionally, we will delve into personalised for nutrition and overall health to help you thrive.

Let's start this journey to unlock your potential and thrive